The Curse of Buttons Magoo
by SparkieSchteff
Summary: Vince stumbles out of a nightclub and bumps into a mysterious stranger, now he's running home with more than he hoped for. Rated high for bad language. Birthday ficlet!
1. Button it

**Okay so straight away this is dedicated to Jamie for her birthday :) You can never have too many birthday ficlets haha :)  
I am currently loving her other dedicated stories and her thank you one so here's one from me to add to your collection. **

**Basically I got the idea from her username on this site, asked her about it and created this. No idea how many chapters there will be, hopefully two-ish more (she says lol) anyway, disclaimer, I own nothing of course, Barratt and Fielding do and I'm pretty sure Jamie owns herself and her username**!  
**Hope you like it :) xxx **

**The Curse of Buttons Magoo**

**Button it**

Vince practically glided out of the Velvet Onion with a couple of his friends behind him including Leroy at his side who was blind drunk as usual. After his set he had sat down at the bar and soon enough he was crowded with people dying to chat with him or to just catch a closer glimpse of him. He had insisted on a drinking game with a few of the girls and Leroy around him and of course Leroy lost continually and got drunk faster and faster, the penalty being a shot of Tequila each time.

The giggling from the girls around him snapped him out of his little daydream, his shoes clapped against the grimy cobbled road as he led his little group through the street that was bathed in a soft orange glow from the lamps above. One of the girls stumbled with a loud crack while grasping the nearest arm of one of her friends, they erupted into malicious drunken laughter causing all the group except Vince to turn around.

"Oh hang on Vince, she's snapped a stiletto." Leroy complained in a slightly slurred tone who stood between the gaggle of girls and the Mod who refused to stop strolling along the pavement.

"Vince Noir waits for no one!" He giggled back while thrusting a finger in the air before letting it flop down, he turned to face Leroy and continued walking backwards while the girl pulled off her broken shoe and flung it across the road while shouting 'oh fuck it'.

"Good thinking." Vince shouted back over his shoulder to the girl who just laughed softly and caught grins from her other friends. Clearly she was ecstatic Vince Noir had said something to her even if he didn't actually make any eye contact.

"So Vince," Leroy began catching up with the drunken fairy "Where are we actually goin'?" Vince bit his lip for a moment while swinging his arms in a dramatic fashion as he walked, he hadn't thought of a destination. To tell the truth, he only wanted a breath of fresh air. He stopped almost causing Leroy to crash into his back, he faced the girls with a cheeky grin on his face.

"Ladies, where to?" The group giggled and grinned foolishly, chaotic chatter broke out between them which neither of the boy's could make out "Woah, woah! One at a time yeah?"

"We were thinkin' this club down the road...We always go there, the atmosphere in there is electric!" One of the ladies piped up, the others seemed to nod a bit drunkenly in agreement.

"What's your name again?" The young woman smiled not feeling the slightest bit annoyed that Vince had forgotten her name when she had told him over twenty times already, she practically felt flattered that he had spoken directly to her.

"Cassie."

"Right then Cassie! Lead the way."

xxx

After more drinks in another nightclub Vince managed to break away from his followers and tumbled outside into the freezing cold early morning air. He gulped down lung fulls gratefully to try and clear his head, the club was extremely hot but the girl was right about the club being electric, what was her name again? Cathy? No, he couldn't remember. Not that it mattered now anyway.

He decided to take a little walk, anything to get away from the pounding vibrations of the music back in the club. He strolled down the street not really caring where he was going and bumped into a young woman nearly knocking her to the floor, he carried on past her without an apology.

"Oi, manners cost nothing darlin'!" Came a voice from behind Vince, he just shrugged and carried on starring at his feet until he bumped into another person "Didn't you hear me?" This time Vince stopped and looked up into the eyes of the woman, the same one he had knocked past a few seconds ago.

"How did you get from over there to here before me?"

"Wouldn't you like to know." She folded her arms with a slight hint of a smile playing at her lips.

"Yeah whatever." He mumbled and made to push past her again.

"I don't think so." She clicked her fingers and he stopped dead, his feet were unable to shift themselves from the disgusting pavement.

"Do you mind? I'm tryin' to walk here."

"Yeah, so was I until you rudely pushed into me. Nearly knocked me down you did and you just carried on, din't even care if I was alright."

"Look, is this some kind of sleazy way to catch my attention? 'Cos believe me, I don't need anymore attention from girls thanks."

"Full of yourself aren't you! Or is that the 'drink talking'?"

"Look just get out of my way." The woman held a finger up in front of him and uncrossed her arms.

"I know a lot about you..." She began circling him "Just by looking at you. First you talk way too much," she pressed her right finger into her left index "and you can't say a single nice thing about anyone can you? Not even your best friend! No, don't bother answering that. I don't have time to listen," She shot him a stern look "I suggest, you..." her fingers drifted quickly to her lips as she mimed closing buttons "button it, Vince Noir."

Vince felt a sudden pressure and tightness on his lips as they clamped themselves together, the street lamps flickered out plunging the street in total darkness. His mouth began to hurt, he tried parting his lips but they only opened a couple of inches while three spots across them were glued together, suddenly the lights came on and he was thrown off balance to his knees. His feet had been freed but his lips were still trapped.

He panicked, his hand running frantically across his mouth and cheeks then in a desperate attempt he tried pulling the stuck bits of skin apart only to murmur and moan in pain. The only thing he could think of to do was to get up and run.


	2. The Curse

**First I wanna apologize for this death by dialogue in this chapter, I tried my best to add in as much description as I could! I'm hoping there's only one more chapter after this which shall be posted tomorrow :) Promise!  
Again, disclaimer - I do not own the Boosh or Jamie and her username x)**

**Oh and there's some cursing in this again  
xxx **

**The Curse**

The streets surrounding him flashed past in a blind panic as he thundered all the way home, his body still feeling the side effects of excessive drinking but his brain felt stone sober with fright. His heart pounded in his skull, thundered in his ears and smashed against his rib cage with both exhaustion and terror.

His lips that were still magically buttoned shut were feeling sore and restricted, he longed to throw his mouth wide open and scream his lungs out. He slowed down a little as he neared the street almost doubling over with stitches in his sides, he tried to gobble down breaths of oxygen but the stuck skin of his lips restricted his air flow.

Stumbling the last few paces to the shop he pounded on the flat door not caring if the neighbors woke and came out to complain or maybe even smack him. He mumbled and moaned as loud as he could while hammering his fist even harder shaking the door in its frame, soon a light flicked on and Bollo wrenched the door open looking more than annoyed.

The gorilla's expression dropped at the sight of Vince who simply shoved past his furry friend and stormed up the stairs straight to Naboo's bedroom where instead of thumping the door he barged straight in.

"Vince! What the fuck, you total jerk off? Do you know what time it is?" The Shaman complained while tossing off the covers of his bed and glaring at the Mod who was frantically murmuring things Naboo could hardly begin to understand "Woah slow down, you sound like you're talkin' with your mouth-full...What happened?" Vince tossed his arms in the air with a dramatic sigh and let them flop back down and slap his sides. With a roll of his eyes he pointed to his mouth, tried to open it, then shrugged and looked helpless.

"What is going on?" Bollo asked appearing at the door with an extremely tired and agitated looking Howard close behind him. Naboo did not reply and instead approached Vince and examined the state his mouth was in.

"Oh no," He muttered as the others listened closely "I think he's been cursed."

"Cursed? He only went out drinking! Usually he comes home with a stranger not a curse!" Howard pushed past the gorilla and stood himself in front of Vince next to Naboo and stared at the patches of skin which seemed to be glued together on his best friend's lips "Who did that?"

"Yeah believe me now don'tcha." Naboo muttered under his breath then a little louder carried on "I've seen this kind of thing before, it's the Curse of Buttons Magoo." He turned away toward a poster, he uttered a few words and it swung open revealing a hole in the wall like a hiding place "Let's see what this book says about her," he pulled a thick black leather book from its place on a shelf and lay it out on the bed as he sat down next to the others "This should give us some answers."

"Who is this person?"

"She's a Shamaness. But get on the wrong side of her and you'll be sorry." Naboo shot Vince a stern look then continued to leaf through the pages of his book. To Howard it looked like an encyclopedia of Shaman and Shamaness, each page had a photo of a different person along with some information about them and their life "Here we go," Naboo pointed to a photo of a young woman dressed not in robes but in every day clothes that seemed normal to Vince and Howard "Buttons Magoo is best known for her curse of buttoning together the lips of her victims. Someone who comes across to Magoo as arrogant and self-obsessive will suffer her 'button it' curse where she will magically button the lips together with invisible buttons, they cannot be undone by any form of magic spell currently known to Shaman. The only way to reverse the curse is to drink from the roots of a well-known Xooberonian plant. Beware when the curse is lifted, Magoo herself will re-appear to try to replace it upon the victim once again."

"She sounds a little...Forceful?" Howard suggested not quite knowing which words to use best.

"No," Naboo retorted "She just doesn't take shit from anyone." He glared back at Vince once again who pulled a face of innocence.

"What's this plant called?"

"I'll go with Bollo and get what we need, it's complicated Howard. Besides, I don't want you stumblin' back to the fountain and drinkin' from it again." Howard protested silently in his head but didn't dare to argue with Naboo who had already ordered Bollo to get the carpet out "You have to stay here Howard, keep him occupied and keep him out of trouble."

"Right." Howard nodded once, again remaining silent instead of protesting.

Naboo and Bollo bordered the carpet in the early hours of the morning under the light of the full moon, Howard watched from the window as they soared up through the clouds and out of sight then a thought caught him. Maybe a silent Vince wouldn't be so bad after all?


	3. The Xooberonian Plant

**Wow this is longer than I intended, I so hope it doesn't bore you! I think maybe one chapter after this? So I'll try and get it up later on just for Jamie oh and Happy Birthday! For about the third time :P Can never say it enough though can you :) Hope you had a great day xx**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with the Boosh and I do not own Jamie or her username, she owns them. Not that you need reminding on the third chapter lol **

**xxx**

**The Xooberonian plant**

The carpet soared above the clouds and past the full faced starring Moon, cold air rushed past the Shaman and the gorilla turning their ears numb and muffling their hearing.

Naboo directed the carpet toward his home planet while Bollo watched the Earth below speed past. Soon the chilly air became more sticky and warm and the sky was littered with even more stars than on Earth. As the carpet dropped gently through the clouds the land could be seen below, miles upon miles of sandy landscape awaited beneath their backsides.

"Where will plant be?" Bollo asked as his hearing became clearer once again.

"In the forest, hang on." With a wave of his arms, Naboo sped the carpet up and Bollo became temporarily deaf once again.

-

Howard could only wish the flat was silent and peaceful he had hoped to relax a little, maybe listen to some Jazz or quietly read a book but Vince was being louder and more annoying than he usually was when his mouth wasn't magically buttoned shut.

He had already had a mini-strop about not being able to talk then had panicked when he discovered he couldn't put any food in his mouth when he tried eating a cookie from the jar. Howard had shouted at him to shut him up and calm him down but regretted it soon after, now Vince was sulking in his bedroom while playing Gary Numan at a ridiculously loud level.

Instead of hearing Jazz or slouching on the sofa reading a book, Howard was slaving away over a hot stove heating up some soup he had found in the cupboard. He had broken slices of bread up into small chunks and left them on a plate on the table and had stuck straws into two cups of lemonade. He stirred the hot soup slowly in a figure of eight before trying a bit, it tasted nice for canned stuff Bollo had bought from the shop a week or two ago. He turned off the stove and ladled the stuff into two bowls and placed them on the table.

"Vince, I made you some lunch." He called over the sounds of Gary Numan but received no reply, sighing he crossed to Vince's door to drag him from his noisy electro pit "Vince come on...Come out, stop sulking." He hammered on the door, no muffled voice floated back through the wood but the music stopped suddenly "Come on, I made soup. It'll get cold." There came a mumbled voice through the door which took Howard a few seconds to figure out what his best friend had said, "Of course it's tinned soup, we don't have any vegetables for proper soup. Are you coming out or not?" The door handle turned and the door flew back, Vince stood there looking fed up, with his mouth tightly pressed shut he nodded and sat down.

-

Naboo crunched through the forest floor pushing back branches and overgrown plants, Bollo followed in his wake mumbling things about a bad feeling.

The forest was eery at night, the light from the stars was barely creeping through the canopy of leaves above leaving very little light to find the plant with. Flowers of all sorts of colours, shapes and sizes littered the floor and surrounded tree trunks. Purple ones grew in clusters while the pink ones seemed to grow where they liked and on their own, Naboo scanned each one but kept his distance while Bollo just followed.

"What plant look like?"

"It's got purple petals with a black tongue lookin kinda of thing hangin' out the middle of it."

"Uhh...Right." Bollo replied trying to match a flower to the description, he couldn't see one remotely like it.

"When you find it, don't touch it. The tongue is poisonous, we don't want that bit. We only need the liquid from the roots and it grows in the light of the stars." Naboo brought a small bottle with a cork out of his robes and slid a silver knife from his belt which he had picked up from the kitchen before leaving "Got it, there's one over here." He pointed toward a large plant, its purple petals surrounded the thick looming black tongue which seemed to drip with an orange liquid. Sharp oozing thorns protected the stem from being eaten or picked.

"Wait here Bollo. Oh and if I get poisoned, best keep a red flower with purple thorns in sight, the petals cure poisoning." Bollo nodded and glanced around at the flowers while scratching his head. Naboo took several small steps forward and uttered a few words under his breath while closing his eyes, soon the plant quivered on its own. Slowly, one by one the petals dropped and drifted to the floor while the black tongue spat angrily trying to find its attacker. Naboo uttered more words and the thorns turned to orange liquid which fizzed and dribbled down the stem, the plant shook more violently as a final curse caused the tongue to explode with a little pop. Naboo shielded his face as some of the poison dripped onto his robes, he shook them off angrily "That stain will never come out." He muttered while digging out the roots and slicing them from the sticky stem with the kitchen knife.

After forcing green liquid out of each root he finally put a stopper in the bottle and hid it safely in his robes then turned to his familiar who had wondered off to gather some red flowers.

"Okay Bollo, let's go. I've got it. What you doin' with all them?"

"Just incase idiot Howard or precious Vince poison themselves." Naboo sighed and led the way back to the carpet, no way would those flowers make it back in one piece in Bollo's strong monkey arms.


	4. Something nice to say

**Finally the last chapter is up, sorry about the ridiculous wait. I'm catching up with my writing so Silhouette should be updated today hopefully  
Final disclaimer for this: I don't own of course, you all know that. **

**Something nice to say**

Naboo heated the potion as the spell book said to on the stove in a pan while Bollo pressed hand fulls of red flowers between old books trying to flatten them and dry them out.

"You need to drink this." The Shaman ladeled the potion into a glass, the green liquid bubbled wildly and frothed at the top. Vince pulled a face and shook his head "Fine then, leave your mouth in that state. You can just blend your food from now on if you want to eat." Naboo's trick worked, Vince grabbed the glass back and after slipping a straw in, greedily drunk the whole thing.

The liquid fizzed down his throat then felt as though it swept back up, he prepared to vomit but nothing re-filled his mouth. Instead the tightness on his lips began to loosen, he flexed his mouth and faked a yawn and then finally his mouth opened fully.

"Finally!" He touched a hand to his mouth, "Thanks Naboo, you're a diamond."

"Don't even say what I think you're gonna say." Howard sighed while sitting down at the table with a cup of tea in his hands.

"What?" Vince was clearly confused.

"Don't say 'I missed the sound of my own voice!'"

"As if, I'm not that shallow Howard!"

"Guys shut up!" Naboo stepped in with his arms raised silencing the two bickering best friends "We have to take care of Buttons Magoo remember? She's gonna be here any minute, as soon as she knows the curse has been lifted. Vince, you gotta be nice to her! All of you do."

"Why should I when she buttoned my lips?"

"Cos if you're not nice to her she'll do it again you jerk off. Don't you ever listen to what I say?" Vince didn't reply, clearly ignoring the Shaman he hurried straight to the fridge and began searching for anything edible until a loud crack startled him and the rest of the flat.

"Oh god not you again." Came the female voice of the Shamaness Buttons Magoo, "Alright, who helped lift the curse?" She scanned the boys in the flat "Naboo? Haven't seen you in ages! You lifted it?" The Shaman nodded once "Whatever happened to sticking together." She sighed and shook her head.

"That was years ago." Bollo, Howard and Vince looked at them both strangely "Shaman school on Xooberon?" The expressions didn't change "I swear they never listen to me." Buttons shook her head while sighing.

"Anyway, I'm not here for a catch up." She sounded bored and looked like she'd rather be elsewhere "Haven't you got something nice to say to me?" She turned to Vince who seemed to jump back a little, Naboo could read the look on his face and it wasn't a good one. He nudged him in the ribs and nodded his head once.

"Uh...Yeah." He swallowed once "Cup of tea?" The flat fell silent, the only sound in the room came from the leaky tap in the kitchen. All eyes fell on Buttons Magoo, the wait for her reply seemed to last an eternity.

"Sure."

-

Naboo, Bollo and Howard all sat in the kitchen with steaming cups of tea listening to the laughing and insane chatter coming from the sofa. A live show was playing on the television at an incredibly loud volume because it couldn't be heard over the laughing.

"Was that supposed to happen?" Howard asked the Shaman who sat looking rather bored at the table.

"No, he was only supposed to be nice to her then she'd be happy and leave instead of staying for five hours to watch Vince's Lee Evans box set."

The laughing increased in the other room, both Buttons and Vince were reciting the lines back at the television as the comedian said them.

"If they know all the words then why watch it!"

"Because it's still funny." Naboo shrugged while taking a gulp of tea.

"Why don't you go watch it then?" Howard asked incredulously while supporting his aching head with a hand.

"Seen it loads of times."

-

"Do you have to go?" Vince moaned as he flicked off the finished DVD, he glanced at the pile of films and shows he had clumsily set out on the table, "We got loads more to watch yet."

"Sorry, the curses call. Six have already been lifted and where am I? Sat here watching comedy DVDs! Don't get me wrong, it has been fun and everything but I better get back to work." Vince pouted and sat cross legged on the sofa playing with his fringe idly, Buttons sighed "I'll come straight back then."

"You will?" Buttons nodded "Genius!"

"See you around then Vince." And with that she disappeared with a loud Crack, Vince settled back into the sofa and starred at the television. He could sense the others approaching and could see their faint reflection in the screen.

"She gone then?" Howard asked first while sitting down. Vince just nodded.

"Did she replace the curse?" Naboo asked sitting down on the coffee table, "Cos if she did, we haven't got anymore potion left and I doubt she'd give you another chance even if we did get more plants."

"No, it's just that...Well now I miss her." The others sighed heavily "What?" Howard chucked a cushion at Vince and smiled, "She was fun company!" Vince giggled and got up to change the DVD "Anyone want to watch the next one with me?" Everyone just groaned.


End file.
